What I Learned This Lenten Season
What a challenging yet rewarding Lent it has been. I never thought I would be tested in so many different ways, but here I am. Stronger and better than ever! The start of this year has been tougher than most, but I have grown a lot. I have built a greater sense of self-awareness, strengthened my relationship with Christ, and faced some of my deepest fears. At the come and see retreat that I attended at St. Bruno Convent, Sr. Maria gave me Isaiah 43:2 to meditate on. It reminds me that I am not alone. Even in the darkest times, God stands by me, holds me, and lifts me up.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2
Here are a few lessons that I have learned from Lent this year:
1. Allowing God to challenge me.
I firmly believe that God has a great sense of humor. And here’s why. Two weeks ago, I was sitting at the dinner table talking to my mom about how I was invited to do a silent retreat at a convent. At the time, the proposition felt very silly. I can’t be quiet for an hour, let alone a week! I told my mom how impossible it would be for me to spend a week in complete silence. As someone who loves to have good conversations and sing, the proposition of going silent for a week felt like something that I could never do.
The following day, I woke up with the worst sore throat. My voice was completely gone, and it hurt to speak. So, God put me in a silent retreat that I didn’t sign up for. For FOUR days. But surprisingly enough, I learned that I actually didn’t mind the silence. In fact, I grew pretty comfortable living in silence. It forced me to be a better listener and drown out all of the distracting noise. This involuntary silent retreat became a blessing in disguise. I was forced to confront my own thoughts and feelings — things that I was running away from by overcommitting myself to work and other responsibilities. In those four days, I gave myself the time and space to heal my wounds, feel out my emotions, and just exist. It was a healing and eye-opening experience for me.
2. Living in the present moment.
I am a future forward person. My mind likes to extrapolate and project the many ways in which my future is affected by my actions in the present. While planning for the future has it benefits, it also prevents me from fully appreciating the present for what it is. To my own detriment, I limit my present because of my fear for the future. But I’ve learned this year is that I need to let go of this mindset and live for the now. So, what does that mean for me? Less planning and more doing.
I’m less fixated on the future now, and I am allowing myself the opportunity to be more spontaneous and gracious with how I want to spend my time. For all I know, my expiration date could be tomorrow! Why should I limit myself now when there’s so much life that I want to live? I don’t want to live with regrets. During Lent, I booked flights to places I’ve always wanted to go to, bought tickets to artists I’ve always wanted to see, made plans to live solo for a month in San Luis Obispo, and went on a four-day retreat with religious sisters on Holy Week. Because… why not? I’m seizing each day now and living life the way I want to live. Man oh man, I have never felt more alive.
3. Exercising self-control and resisting temptation.
The easiest way to put a smile on my face is to get me a scoop of icecream at Handel’s. I am a sucker for icecream. So, to challenge myself, I gave up added sugar (aka sweets). It was surprisingly a very difficult thing to fast from. I had no idea how much of an inconvenience this would be for me until Lent started. For starters, desserts are so prevalent in American culture. Getting icecream is a cheap, social activity that I often rely on when I want to catch up with my friends. On multiple occasions, I found myself at Handel’s with my friends — unable to order anything. I also attended a kid’s birthday party with a whole table full of my dessert dreams (cupcakes, cookies, cake, and icecream), but I couldn’t indulge in any of the sweet treats.
I’ll be honest. The thought crossed my mind multiple times to break my fast from sweets and confess later. It was very tempting. But whenever those thoughts appeared, I would quickly snap out of it and remind myself that Lent was not meant to be easy. This was a test. Could I say a small “no” for a bigger “yes”? Surprisingly, I came out of this experience alive and sweet-free. Despite numerous occasions where I was tempted to break my fast, I didn’t. I’m proud of myself for sticking to my Lenten fast and resisting temptation.
Alleluia! The Lord has risen. What a blessing it has been to undergo so much growth in this short period. I hope you enjoy these short little stories that I shared in this post. Make sure to subscribe to my mailing list for more faith-based reflections! You can find more faith related posts here.
Emily
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