Growing Pains: Adjusting to Adulthood
When I was growing up, my dad used to tell me, “When I grow up, I wanna be a kid.” I would scrunch my eyebrows together and look at him with confusion and concern. I was excited to grow up and be an adult. Why did he want to be little?
Now that I’m deep into adulthood, I realize that adulting kinda sucks. My father’s words make sense to me now. I, too, want to be a kid again and return to a carefree and fun period where my only concern was my grades. Being big is no fun.
So, what was the whole point of this short anecdote? It explains my absence and sporadic posting on this blog. I was adjusting to adulthood and finding a new normal in the midst of all the chaos. Finally, I have time to do what I love. I’ll be posting more consistently and creating new content to share with you all. Here are some lessons learned in the early stages of Em’s adult life:
1. Embracing the unknown and new life changes
I am a planner. There is very little room in my life for spontaneity. I like to know what’s ahead of me because preparation gives me confidence. But alas, life does not always go as planned. As much as I wish I know what the Lord has in store for me, I also recognize that His plan for me will never be what I expect it to be. I guess that’s the beauty of God. Though he might not always give me what I want, he gives me what I need.
This is something that I have wrestled with for a while now, and it continues to be a challenge. In my weakest moments, I question Him and His goodness. So, in this period of many unknowns and change, I offer up my worries and doubts to the Lord and remain steadfast in my pursuit to receive His graces. For I know that He has great plans for me. I just have to allow Him to work through me! This new chapter of my life marks true freedom and self-discovery. I have embraced spontaneity, adventure, and change more than I ever had before.
2. Finding work-life balance
I must confess. I have a hard time giving myself the grace to have some “me time.” It’s not something that I really excel at. As a workaholic, I compulsively check my work and personal emails. There is a “thrill” that comes from a message or request. It is derived from my innate desire to serve others. I have a hard time drawing any boundaries because I like helping people. It is challenging for me to say “no.” However, I have learned how important it is for me to carve out the time for things that are just as important as work.
One of the ways I have been cultivating more balance into my life is by starting my day with morning prayer and bullet journaling. I set my intentions for the day and write out the things that I want to put into my schedule on my Moleskin journal. For example, one of my latest goals is improving my relationship with my mom. So, each morning, I set some time aside for us to go on a short walk around the neighborhood before we both head to work. It helps to set time aside for non-work-related things. Because “morning walk” is on my to-do list, I make it a priority to check it off of my list. Now, the areas of my life that I have neglected in the past are getting more attention. My restless heart feels settled knowing that I have made time for all that I desire and need.
3. Seeking community and building relationships
In September, I attended to the Diocese of San Diego Young Adult Retreat. It had been a while since I tried to expand my inner circle, and I was craving for an opportunity to socialize and meet new people. Coming into the retreat, I did not know a singular soul. But I placed trust in the Lord that I was going to find what I sought out for — a community of likeminded individuals who are on fire about the faith. Soon enough, I met a group of great friends. After the retreat, we hung out on a monthly basis to nurture our budding friendship. They became a group of people that I could relate to, learn from, and build community with.
I am glad that I stepped outside of my comfort zone to expand my inner circle. My new friends challenge, inspire, and support me. I am truly blessed to journey with such great people. Making new friends and building community can be challenging as a young adult. But it is necessary. We are not meant to walk alone.
4. Finding purpose and fulfillment
One of the blessings of adulthood is the free time that you get after work. When I was in college, I was on a constant grind. If I wasn’t in class, my time was eaten up by extracurriculars, work, or studying. After graduating from college, all of my extracurriculars disappeared. I was left with time on my hands that I didn’t know how to use. Being a natural self-starter, I decided to get involved in my community and find unique ways in which I can support different organizations that align with my values and beliefs.
Now, I am a court appointed special advocate (CASA) for Voices for Children, a session leader for the Prison Education Project (PEP), and a board member for Rapid Response Housing Solutions (RRHS). More recently, I have become an active parishioner at my church — singing in the choir and assisting with confirmation class. I find the most amount of fulfillment from my volunteer work. I like using the skills, talents, and experiences that I have been blessed with for the greater good. It would be selfish to not share what I have with others, especially those in need. Using my faith and heart as a guiding star has helped me find and lean into my calling.
5. Giving myself the grace to learn from my mistakes and grow
I am far from perfect. There are still a lot of things that I need to grow and learn from. One of my greatest faults is how hard I tend to be on myself. Because I hold myself to a high standard, I carry a lot of guilt and shame whenever I make a mistake. It’s hard for me to let my failures go. As I get deeper into adulthood, I have come to realize that perfection is not the goal. Growth is. Yes, I have had my moments of immaturity, insecurity, and weakness. I am not perfect because I am human. I should not allow my mistakes and failures define my self-worth. There is still so much for me to learn. I just need to let the healing begin.
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Emily
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